Last Day Working For Another Person


January 25, 2012

FB Status: "Last day of work… whoa. This is really happening, huh. ::gulp::"

On my phone today, there is a calendar reminder: “Last day working for another person! Hallelujah!” It seems like I have been counting down to this day forever. I've often wondered what the day would feel like- would there be tears? Last minute panic? Frustration? Anxiety? Joy? Serenity?

The truth is not much of that happened.  There were definitely spurts of emotion here and there, but there are so many damn logistics to take care of before leaving a position (insurance closeout, retirement, key return, office packing, goodbye cards, final meetings, distribution of stuff I don’t want, trashing, trashing, trashing, etc.)  it was difficult to do much reflecting. For the most part, I was more busy than pensive; more preoccupied than emotional. I had envisioned a theatrical departure where I tipped my hat to my colleagues and imparted words of wisdom while fighting back tears.... not even close. But there were 3 moments that prompted a pause to let reality set in: 

Goodbye, Maritza: Mari is the surrogate mother who has hugged, advised, yelled, cried with, challenged, listened to, and loved me for the last ten years. I stopped by her office to say my goodbyes and to give her a thank you card; she cried. She gave me a big hug and wished me well. She said she wasn’t sure if I meant everything I'd said in the card (I did) but she loved me and knew that I would do well. Perhaps I had not said it to her enough. If only there were more time…

My Office Fridge: I have been on a rampant purging spree for the last four weeks. Everything in my apartment is on sale- everything. It has actually been quite liberating to see tons of my former possessions leave my place in the hands of friends and craigslisters. When I sold my office fridge to dear friends in a nearby office, its removal was surprisingly alarming. All of my running around on D-day meant that I missed when a my colleague came over to pick it up. When I dashed back into my office around 4:00pm, it was gone. A 2x2 square was left carved into the carpet beneath where it stood and as silly as it sounds, it was a bit emotional. I’d missed it. What else would I miss? Things really do go on even after you’re gone.

“Final Thoughts”: I ended up leaving the office after 7pm even though I had envisioned myself dancing out at 5:01. Around 5:15pm I realized I still had a few loose ends to tie up, including one final email to volunteers with whom I’d been working. What do you write when it’s the last thing your readers will see from you? As I was writing the short message, I stopped and looked out the window in front of my desk. Since it was now dark out, I only saw my reflection and I exhaled as I made eye contact with myself. Wow, this is really it. I sent the email and shut down my computer... for good.

--
So, here I am. The day I arbitrarily selected months ago has come and gone. I have been envisioning this date in my mind for so long, wondering what it would be like: I taste success; I hear more support and love than I'd imagined; I feel humble, proud, curious, fearless, anxious, relieved and ready.

This is really happening.

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